Finn's Introduction

This is a long one guys, stick with me. We had to wait for my health to recover after Bayne's birth I had a few minor things that I knew of that I needed to sort out. A few years later we decided to try for a 4th baby and we had two miscarriages. We decided to try one last time and I became pregnant with Finn. His pregnancy was a rollercoaster from the beginning. I thought I was having another miscarriage, as I started a light menstruation at 5 weeks in, but my doctor requested an ultrasound to make sure. The pregnancy was fine, but I continued to have a light menstruation and worried as the ultrasound did show that he was embedded low in my uterus. They couldn't find any reason as to why I was bleeding, so we went with that it can be normal in some pregnancies and that I was just to keep track of it, if anything changed we would look again. By 14 weeks the bleeding had stopped and my doctor did the regular 3 month check, if you have read my other blogs you know where that goes but this story is about Finn. I was diagnosed with cancer early in my second trimester with him, I was gaining weight like crazy and was sent to see a dietician. Despite us eating pretty darn clean and healthy because of my diagnosis, I ended up putting on a total of 64 pounds during his pregnancy. Not going to lie I struggled with that weight gain, I was extra sore my whole pregnancy. Right from when they could hear Finn's heart beat with the doppler they had made comments about it and midway through my second trimester, 2 ultrasounds in, I was referred to a specialist in our capital city of Alberta to have a more in-depth ultrasound as they thought Finn had a congenital heart defect. We scoured back in our family history as much as we could and while there is heart disease in my husband family there was no babies born with a congenital defect that required open heart surgery upon delivery.

That ultrasound with the specialist showed that his heart was formed properly, the issues was not a congenital heart defect, giving him an irregular and skipped heart beats. He had FPE (Fetal Pericardial Effusion), in short he has fluid around his heart which was causing pressure and making it harder for his heart to pump normally. The specialist was concerned that every time she invaded his space a little with the ultrasound wand his heart rate would increase, when his heart rate increased it would start skipping beats. There was no reason given to us as to why he had this, we were simply told that he would have to be evaluated post delivery by a pediatric cardiologist. I felt guilt that it was my cancer that caused this for him, but we never got confirmation on that. We had decided that with his condition we would not be taking an induction unless it was absolutely needed. At 38 weeks I was offered a membrane sweep which I declined, again at 39 weeks I declined it. At 40 weeks I was offered an induction which I declined, at 41 weeks I declined it again. My doctor told me that if I went over 42 weeks he would have to send me to the capital city of Edmonton and I wouldn't be allowed to deliver in our little rural hospital. Considering it was my 4th I might not make it to the big city to deliver him. I told him I understood, but I was still waiting another week. We set my appointment for 2 days before I would be 42 weeks so there would be time to transfer my care if needed.

The day before my appointment my husband and I had decided to add some cats to the family and we were building a cat-tree with a house on the top. I was bending a lot to staple rug onto this cat-tree and was having what I though were Braxton-hicks. They were very mild in comparison to induced labor pains so I never even thought I was in actual labor. That evening I passed my mucus membrane, and continued to spot a little again not overly concerning. We decided to go to bed, around 2 am I got up as I just couldn't get comfortable enough to sleep. Which happened often with Finn's pregnancy remember that 64 pounds I said I gained it was brutal for sleeping. At 4 am I still had the Braxton-hicks and they were a little more intense and I couldn't get them to stop with movement, rest, or anything. I thought my water had broke, but it was not a gush like you see in the movies or like I experienced when being induced before. I decided to wake my husband and said I'm not sure but I might be in labor as my water might have broke or my membranes did, but something happened. We decided to heed the doctors warnings about 4th babies coming fast and headed to the hospital around 5am. I told them I wanted to move as much as I could, I didn't want to be strapped into a bed, and only monitoring his heart rate if absolutely needed due to his condition. They mainly just left us to walk around and do our thing with check-ins. My doctor came and checked on me and said my waters had broke but baby must have been laying against the rupture sealing it off somewhat. I was progressing nicely and was being moved to the delivery room as I was 5cm dilated (past history there if you read the other children's introductions).

A short while later I was in active labor, ironically right during my appointment time that was scheduled for that day. Everything was going well and this natural labor was a lot less intense than all my previous induction labors. I should say everything was going well until it wasn't. Just like his pregnancy this baby was going to take me on a rollercoaster labor as well. Part way through delivery I started to feel a very sharp pain right above my pelvis, I had never felt this with our other three. I told the nurse and the doctor and neither looked concerned. As this pain grew, my contractions stopped. My labor had literally ended part way through delivery. My doctor jumped into action and started telling me when to push and when to rest. He told me to push as hard as I could for the entire time, until he told me to stop. During my rest periods I was telling my husband something is wrong and I was trying to tell my doctor about the pain right above my pelvis again. But he was in his own world, he must have realized what was going on in that moment. What happened next was very painful, something I would never want to relive, and left me with a very hard recovery emotionally and physically. He realized that I was having a Shoulder Dystocia Delivery. This is where the babies head has come down into the birth canal, then baby turns to the side, when turning their shoulder hooks on the mothers pelvis (my pain). The scary part is in this stuck position the umbilical cord is also pinched off. So baby is not getting blood flow and baby is not far enough through the birth canal to be breathing air yet. So it is literally life or death, and the doctor has two options and no time to explain either to the mom. My doctor had seconds to figure out his plan, and since this is a rare delivery a lot of doctors don't have experience with it, thankful my doctor did have experience. He told me very briefly that baby was stuck and not breathing, that I had to trust him and do everything I he told me to do. He then told my husband to hold my leg back as far as he could and the nurse to start pushing hard on my stomach when he said so. He told me to push with everything I had and not to stop, we had to get this baby out.

I started to push as hard as I could but the nurse wasn't pushing hard enough, apparently as she got shoved to the side and the doctor started pushing very hard on my lower abdomen right at the top of my pelvis. It was the worst pain I've felt, my husband says it was like the doctor was elbow dropping me, if any of you are wrestling fans you will know what that is. At the same, with his other hand he was reach to try to pull on babies arm to try to get his shoulder to drop down and come into the birth canal. With the force from two directions it was his hopes we could get him out alive. In the moment, I knew it was very serious. I had come to know this man, who was my doctor, quite well and his demeanor in those moments were nothing I had seen from him before. Even when he had presented me with the news of the cancer, he didn't have the same demeanor. We managed to get Finn out in a short time, although it felt like an eternity of torcher to me. He was 7 pounds and 6 ounces, 23 inches long, and blue. The doctor had to work on Finn and clean out his airways as soon as he was born. There was no crying, no grunting, no screaming, no doctor telling me I had a healthy baby boy. All I could hear was my heart pounding, it was racing so hard I felt like it was going to burst through my ribcage. The doctor finally handed off Finn to the nurse and came back to the bed to explain what had happened and that he didn't have time to give us an option it's literally only seconds that the physician has to make the choice. Either trying to delivery like he did with me, which can result in the baby's clavicle being broken or their shoulder being dislocated, or to perform an emergency cesarean section and try to pull the baby from the birth canal back into the uterus.

He said that he didn't think he broke Finn's clavicle, but he had swallowed a lot of fluid before they got him out and he would need monitoring. That a Pediatric doctor would come to see him, and off that consult they would decided if he needed x-rays to confirm. But that right now we needed to deliver the placenta as my contractions still hadn't come back so he would have to get it. During that process the placenta broke and he spend the next 40 minutes getting it all out and piecing it back together to make sure he didn't miss any. My husband had left during this time to finally update family as to the whole ordeal and that Finn was here now. The nurse had brought me Finn and I kept him on a downward slant so that any fluid could come out easier. People started coming to see Finn throughout that day and I was hopeful as he didn't seem to be coughing up fluid and gunk much while anyone was holding him. That night was a living hell, however. Every time I would lay him down he would go into coughing fits and so bad parts of his little face would start to turn blue from the lack of oxygen. I felt I was constantly hitting the nurse button that night. I honestly didn't think he was going to live through one of the fits. I would get him on his stomach, on my hand, faced down and also his bottom elevated so that gravity would help and then pat his back to help loosen it up. The poor boy had bruising already started to show on his back, as well as his face and shoulder from the delivery. The next morning when family started coming in again I was a wreck, I tried to hide it from people. I was so tired and so sore. I had a shower while my husband was with Finn and I honestly sat in the shower and cried. I hadn't slept the night before when I was in labor, then I had a traumatic delivery the following morning and the bruises were already looking very nasty on my abdomen. Then after his delivery we had people in and out of the room almost all day, then the previous night of stress, worry, and no sleep. I was wiped out and felt I couldn't take much more. But I also didn't want my older children to see me like that. So I had my cry and allowed the water to wash the tears away. I picked myself backup and got out of the shower. I will admit my husband had to help me get up, but metaphorically I picked myself up. He helped me get dressed as my abdomen was excruciating at this point. I plastered on a smile, tried to hide my pain from moving, and went back out to my children.

The pediatric doctor had come early that morning and he said Finns clavicle wasn't broken but that he felt he still had some damage done to the area and that we should be careful with moving his arm. We were to try not to move it from his body too much, as he always held it tight to his chest. That we should change his bum with him on his side not on his back, it's a lot harder than it sounds trust me. I noticed through the day that he didn't cough when he was held at the typical slightly upright angle people hold babies at. So when people left that evening I laid him on a slope and allowed all the coughing and fluid and gunk to come out until his breathing sounded better. Then that night I co-slept with him on his stomach against my chest, while I was sitting part way up in the bed. We finally got a good sleep in for both of us. We were released a couple of days later, and shortly after release Finn started crying all the time. The doctors said he was colic, and went through the regular list of things to do with a colic baby. Then my family doctor left my clinic and I was moved to a new family doctor within the clinic. I tried eliminating everything that could cause gas in a baby from my diet, nothing helped him or I. I was back to not sleeping at night because that was the worst time for Finn and then homeschooling and caring for our other three kids during the day. Finn started coming down with some really bad eczema early on in life. Eczema is something I have, as do most of our children, but we easily manage ours with coconut oil and rosehip oil. For Finn nothing was working for his skin and he just screamed. Unless he was sleeping he was screaming. We decided we needed to do something more for him and we took Finn to a chiropractor when he was 2 months old.

Finn did have shoulder issues and the chiropractor focused most of his time on his shoulder and trying to help with the colic/gut issue. During this time is when I got the news that I was still positive for cancer and we made the call to stop breast feeding so I could do a raw diet of veggies, mainly, but some animal protein and fat through eggs. With all his gut issues I didn't think he would be able to handle the diet I needed to do, in hindsight I would have done it differently. But anyway, we started him on formula and he was the same, we tried all the expensive brands of no this and no that but nothing changed for him. We decided to test him for allergies with the chiropractor and he tested positive for dairy casein (the protein in cows milk). So we found a goat milk formula that is produced in Canada and we ordered some, it was a life changer for him. He started to thrive on that goat milk powder that we made into a complete formula. But this twitching he started to do when he was a newborn had never gone away he was about 6 months old at this point and he looked like he was having mini seizures when he would start to fall asleep. So I decided to take him to the live blood analysis to just see what was going on in his body. He seen a very nasty blood bacteria in Finn's red blood cells, we formulated a plan to combat this bacteria and we started him on some stuff that I could add into his formula. We were booked to see the pediatric cardiologist in 6 months time. From all the research I did on Pericardial Effusion, a blood bacteria could totally cause the body to try to protect the heart by filling the pericardial sac up with fluid, so can cancer cause the same condition. So I felt like we were finally getting somewhere with Finn's health, knowing about the blood bacteria. Over the next 3 months we continued to work with the blood analysis/herbalist and we managed to clear Finn's blood of that bacteria. Finn started walking at 9 months old and I noticed that he wouldn't take a normal step with his right leg, he would drag it behind him. All kids go through kinks when they start crawling and walking and not many seem to fit into the 'normal', at least not ours. Seeing him drag that leg was a bit concerning though and we booked him with the chiropractor again. Turns out the poor little guy had part of his lumbar spine out. The chiropractor told me, "I've seen grown men with this and they were wreathing in pain and unable to walk." I felt so horrible as I thought back over the months since his birth, he didn't use his right side much, I always chalked it up to the arm injury from delivery and the way he had adjusted to that. But he never crawled properly either, he would do what I called the "crab crawl" he would sit on his bum and with his left heel and left arm he would pull himself forward. Often his right leg was behind him sort of dragging when he did this. It all hit me, between his casein allergy, his shoulder injury, the blood bacteria stealing his nutrients, pericardial effusion making his heart work harder, and a lumbar injury it's no wonder he screamed for those first 2 months. I felt like such a bad parent, in that moment, like I had failed him over and over again in the short time since his birth.

He had appointments with the chiropractor 3 times a week for many weeks. Finally, he was structurally better and we were told to only bring him back if we noticed that leg falling behind or he stopped using his arm again. Around the same time we had the appointment with the Cardiologist and Finn got the all clear there too! By 12 months old his body had reabsorbed the fluid and it was expected that he would be able to live a full normal life. We finally found the right mix of oils, creams, and diet to use for his eczema, and he was finally able to shine and show us who Finn is without the health conditions tying him down.

When I remember back to his 'colic' months, I cannot believe that this determined, smart as a whip, beyond strong, full of stories, energetic 5-year-old running around is the same child. Finn is my sticky baby, not because his hands are dirty, but they usually are. Not because he is skinny like a stick because he isn't. He is my sticky baby, because he was the only one that could stick it out in the beginning when we were trying for him, and god only knows how many times he had to grant Finn life. He stuck with us through the delivery that could have taken his life, he stuck with us through the blood bacteria robbing his little body of nutrients... he stuck with us! I've always considered us to be good people, we try to do what is right and help who we can. We called in any and all good karma and all prayers on Finn. His first year of life has proven what kind of a spirit he has; he is a fighter, he is strong, he is brave, and he never gives up. He gives me courage and strength everyday to not give up on my own health journey. We are blessed that we get to go along with him on his life journey, to watch him sprout and take root in this world. He is now my lively, healthy, spunky boy!